I feel the boundaries around me, and carefully reach out to push them ever so slightly only to feel the scalding heat on the opposite side. I retreat, and am reassured that I've made the right decision to stay in my clear glass box. I admire those who aren't afraid to stand amongst the flames, but for the sake of my job and my family I need to remain inside in the cool.
I'm fully aware that bloggers who embrace and write the controversial posts and give full disclosure will always be more popular than the type of blogger I am, and I'm completely OK with that. I love them and admire their honesty and bravery and the way they paint their hurt, anger or passion with words, and I'm often jealous and wish I could do the same. Some of my favourite bloggers write this way. I'm not stupid, I realise that if I start blogging about sex or my views on boob jobs or even the last time I fought with someone or cried over something my pageviews will rise and my stats will skyrocket. But you know what? All that would come at a massive cost to me.
I can't afford to be controversial. I respect my husbands decision to leave him out of my posts and would never post something that may come back to hurt or embarrass my Little Lion later on in life. I adore my job, and want to feel secure in it. I don't particularly want my students or their families to know the inner workings of my life, and it wouldn't be fair to them. I teach blogging in my classes, and use Hummingbird's Song as an example. Can you imagine if I wrote about the last fight I had with Deon? Cue awkwardness and unprofessionalism now! *Rhian, I'd like to see you in my office please*.. Err, no. I want to keep my private life in a completely different compartment to my professional one.
For a blogger, I am quite private. Yeah, yeah, I know... I'll splash my face around here quite a bit and ham it up like an amateur model when doing fashion posts, but I keep a lot close to my chest. If you really want to know me, then follow me on twitter and strike up a conversation, or email me and you'll get a reply. I've made some beautiful friends through blogging, and they scrape away the surface and catch a glimpse of me underneath.
I'm not perfect. I've never claimed to be. It makes me feel a bit sad sometimes though when people feel that a blog such as mine isn't as worthy as those who are raw and honest... mine is also honest, but a different form. I try to inspire others and make this a beautiful safe place for people to come and simply feel happy. I love share my running journey, adventures with the Little Lion, my 'fashion shoots' with my students, inane stuff like the shampoo I use or my favourite biscuit recipe and the everyday bits and pieces that make me me. I talk about when I'm struggling or down, but I just can't show you all, the ugly and the nitty gritty, on here at least.
But come find me on twitter and email, reach out and I'll embrace you. Trust me, I can fit more than just me in this glass box. There's room for plenty more xx